


A Mansion's Various Blends

by 823KE



Category: Super Smash Brothers
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, Gen, Slice of Life, Smash Mansion
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-23
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:14:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27095620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/823KE/pseuds/823KE
Summary: The World of Trophies is at peace after the defeat of Tabuu. Several years later, everything is at peace. ...well, 'peace' isn't exactly the right word. Plenty of trouble happens from time to time. Most of the time it's something crazy stupid. Sometimes it's something unpleasant. / SSB4-era.
Kudos: 11





	1. Introduction Chapter

**Author's Note:**

> Currently being rewritten in some parts, and being moved from FFN.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Written: 2017/09/23.**

Hey, guys. I'm back on this fanseries. What fanseries? Well, this is a reboot of the AMoPaC story ( _A Mix of Punch and Coffee_ ). Why am I doing this? Well... I set it up so that each individual chapter is set on a day-to-day basis following real life time, and I've failed big time at keeping up with that story. So I decided that I'm going to reboot the thing and make it an actual fanseries and not some collection of related oneshots. Yeah, it's going to be long chapters now... probably.

"First things first, all the special chapters for special occasions (Christmas, New Year, E3 release, etc) are now non-existent.

"Wait... what!?" Falco yelled. "So you're saying that all the stuff we prepared for are basically useless now!?"

...andalsoI'mgoingtoincorporatefourthwallbreaking- uh, I mean... yeah, basically.

"What the hell? You're a total piece of shit, you know that?" Ashley rhetorically asked, preparing her magic wand for things that good girls don't do.

Wait, calm down. I was kidding; most of the stuff planned are going to happen, eventually.

"Oh, that's-a good, waa. Waluigi's main story arc-a still hasn't appeared yet," the purple plumber stated.

Uh, yeah... that was never going to happen.

"Waluigi doesn't like-a you."

Neither do I, buddy.

Falco promptly pushed the thin minor character away. "Wait, so what's the twist?" he asked. What are you talking about? "I know how this kind of shit works. There's always some sort of twist when someone reassures others." Not exactly... but I guess you're right in this case. "Knew it..."

Well, I mean... since I'm rebooting this series, everything's going to be reset. Kind of. So... we'll start over again from beginning?

"Are you fucking kidding me!?" the avian pilot shrieked.

Jesus, language.

"Who cares?" Jigglypuff interjected. "Not like this story's that interesting. Booooring!"

Watch your mouth, puffball.

Captain Falcon shook his head with a mockingly sympathetic grin. " _Yare yare..._ I mean, uh, of course nobody would read this piece of crap!" he said. Hey, what's _that_ supposed to mean? "It was never popular to begin with. And now you're rebooting it, and adding fourth wall interaction! That's the worst thing a story can do... usually."

That's not true! There are lots of good stories that has the fourth wall being broken.

"They all have lots of flaws too," Lucas pointed out.

"And they-a seem pretty forced sometimes..." Luigi said.

"HIYAAA!" Link threw his opinion into the blend too. "I mean, uh, agreed."

Dark Pit groaned. "Threw his opinion into the ' _blend_ '? Really?"

Hey, I tried.

"Not hard enough, apparently..." Samus whispered.

"I-a like that..." Wario commented, picking his nose.

"Shut the fuck up, fatty."

"Who said-a that!?"

"Stop fighting!"

"I'm going to kill everyone!"

"What's going on!?"

Oh boy, here we go. As almost everyone is going out of control and conflicts are starting, one could view the sight and be so confused that they'd call the police. Or something. Who knows. The scene of chaos unveiled itself so fast, you could compare it to the whole "Infinite is faster than Sonic" thing SEGA is pulling.

"That was a terrible comparison," Ike said.

DO YOU WANNA GO, MATE!?

Screaming probably didn't help, as Ike decided to mock some more. He then accidentally knocked into Ganondorf while doing some sort of backwards twerk (don't question it), spilling the warlock's cup of milk all over his chest. Before he could lash out on the blue-haired mercenary, Pikachu was flung across the room and knocked into Ganondorf's face, electricity flowing everywhere. This truly was chaotic to the residents of the mansion.

"Hey, wanna do something like a movie trailer?" Ness asked. Everyone stopped. "...you know, for this remake story?"

"...sure," everyone said in unison, with nothing better to do. So much for chaos.

* * *

Mario ran across the basketball field, dribbling a ball like the pro he probably was. Way in front of him, four figures jumped out from the bushes- Link, Donkey Kong, Pikachu and Samus. Accepting the challenge, he made his way through them: he jumped over Link's swinging sword, then ducked under Donkey Kong's rampant fist, did a cartwheel and avoided Pikachu's electricy, and finally flinging Samus' energy blast back with a yellow cape he pulled out of nowhere. The ball having survived all the onslaught, he retrieved it and continued running towards the stand with the hoop.

Luigi was standing in front of it, waiting for him. He put his hands together, and as Mario jumped on his tight fists, he pushed his brother up into the air with the ball. The red plumber prepared to slam the ball into the hoop, mustering the strength he needed. It violently smashed against the hoop and went through, the ball bursting to pieces and revealing a Smash Ball inside.

His green brother blew a whistle just as the Smash Ball plummeted onto the ground, breaking and granting Mario his special powers. Said plumber landed on the ground and let out a war cry, pointing his hands up to the sky. Several Smashers jumped out the bushes towards the area above his hand and jumped up.

At that moment... _**"Mario Finale!"**_ He shot out his signature firestorm upwards, and everyone who were within the center was enveloped by the flames.

Wario, who was a bit too slow due to his obesity, was sent sprawling on the floor. He grunted as he got up, scowling. A large Koopa arm tapped his shoulders, and he turned around to grin.

The fire tornado, meanwhile, was emitting such intense lighting and heat. Then suddenly, the tornado broke in slow motion apart as many Smashers jumped out with a prepared battle spirit. Marth, right at the center, is holding a new ball.

They landed and prepared to start the match, while a new opposing team showed up- with Wario joining them out of spite due to being too slow. Bowser let out a similar war cry to Mario's, and the two teams ran at each other with full intent on beating each other up and interfering with their mad skills.

Marth dodged Wario's leap, then side-rolled away from a fart from behind. He threw the ball up into the air, to which Pit flew by and caught it. He dribbled the ball from the air a few times, it bouncing high. His power of flight began to fade though, so as he slowly descended to the ground, several of the opposing team stood under him with malicious grins, a few wondering if angel wings tasted good.

Panicking, Pit threw the ball towards a random comrade that he spotted, a topless Shulk with his boxers on. The swordsman gladly accepted the ball, but Ganondorf leaped between him and the ball and stole it from the first team's clutches. He let out a wicked laughter, then ran off with the ball towards Mario's team's hoop. Shulk, left speechless, decided to simply stand there and show off his abs under the sunlight.

Meanwhile, as the warlord slowly decreased the distance between him and his opponents' hoop, Little Mac and Ryu jumped in his way. Ganondorf caught Little Mac's fist, tossed him aside and jumped backwards from Ryu's fist. He then prepared his fists and channeled dark energy. Ryu prepared to block the incoming Warlock Punch, but he was pulled aside as he heard a mighty yell.

Ganondorf found his fists crashing into Captain Falcon's, two flames of different colors blasting together. The brightness that emitted from the two mighty punches temporarily blinded the two Smashers, leaving the ball to bounce away from them.

Bowser was hot on its trails, however and managed to seize the ball. He roared happily, continuing to run towards his final destination- that blasted Mario's hoop. With no one else being able to catch up with him- somehow- he clutched the ball with his right hand and jumped into the air.

Right before he could prepare the slam dunk, Luigi kicked him away and grabbed the ball in midair. He was then smacked with a two-dimensional hammer, away from Mr. Game & Watch just as the flatlander took the ball back. The ball was then stolen by Fox, who used his Fire Fox move. He threw the ball just as he spotted Wario jumping at him, and Pac-Man appeared mid-air to protect the ball. He prepared to throw the ball away from their basketball stand, but Meta Knight appeared on top of the yellow creature and pushed him down, the ball being thrown somewhere else.

Dark Pit came to the villains' rescue, grabbing the ball and preparing another slam dunk. Pikachu used Quick Attack to reach in front of him, however and slammed his hardened Iron Tail at the dark angel's face. The ball once again fell towards the ground, and Falco- from Bowser's team- grabbed the ball with his crooked feathery hands. He took out his blaster and shot at several Pikmin that Olimar threw at him, and passed the ball to a floating Dedede.

The duck king flew backwards to dodge some minor attacks from some minor characters, and attempted to throw the ball form faraway into the hoop. Several Smashers smirked with relief, knowing he would never make it. However, Dedede suddenly spat out Lucario at the ball, and the jackal Pokémon grabbed the ball and flew down towards the hoop.

Everyone was taken by surprise- that clever bastard! Almost all Smashers from Mario's team let out a cry of defeat, jumping towards Lucario and the ball. They were too slow, however, and an aura explosion occurred just as the jackal managed to score against Mario's team.

When the bright blue light slowly dissipated, everyone was lying on the ground. They slowly got up, and Mario sighed before heading to Bowser at the center of the field. The two glared at each other, before they shook their hands. Everyone then smiled, sportsmanship at its best.

They took a deep breath. "A Mansion's Various Blends!"

* * *

"...what the hell was that?" Dark Pit asked. "That was the worst trailer I've ever seen!"

I think it was brilliant! Heck, we could even make a sprite animation of this and it'd be epic!

Falco growled. "No, fuck no! Why the hell was it some stupid basketball game anyways!?"

...it looks nice? And stop swearing, Jesus.

"Yeah, I'm going to have to agree with-a Falco," Mario said. "It doesn't seem-a related to the story's title at all."

Sonic scratched his head in agreement. "True that, this seems more like some kind of basketball story instead of... what's this story about? Coffee and Punch?"

They stared at Ganondorf, who let out a smug grin. "You're just jealous that we won, stupid hedgehog."

"What'd you say!?" Sonic said. He dashed around Ganondorf, kicking the warlock's head. "You're too slow!"

"What are you even angry about?" Mega Man asked, interrupting the Warlock's war cry. "You didn't even help the team, Sonic."

"I had chili dogs to attend to!" the hedgehog justified. "My babies need me to eat them!" He was then punched away by a fist covered in purple flames.

Ganondorf blew his hand gently. "Let that teach you not to mess with everyone's favorite ruler."

"Who even likes you?" Shulk asked.

"Keep your mouth shut, pervert."

Appalled by the accusation, Shulk put his hands on his naked waist. "Excuse me! I'm not a pervert!" He was met with several gazes from women, questioning his sanity. "...okay, maybe I am."

Guys, guys, enough. This story is going to be great, I guarantee you!

"You're not even a good writer," Ness pointed out. "...no offense."

I'm going to end you.

"Hey, what about us non-Smashers?" Ashley asked. "We didn't even appear in your stupid trailer!"

Uh... my condolences?

"Waluigi really doesn't like-a you."

I don't like myself either, budd-

 _ **"What happened here!?"**_ Master Hand's voice boomed throughout the field as he exited the mansion. "The beautiful sports field of the mansion... it's all ruined! _**Who did this!?"**_ he asked.

Everyone exchanged glances and pointed to the sky. Um, who are you guys blaming? God?

"You know how authors are commonly seen as something in the sky?" Peach said. "Yeah, that."

Wait... so you guys are blaming me!?

Master Hand clutched his fist... uh, body. _**"You are going to pay for this!"**_ he roared and lunged towards the sky in search of me.

Ha, good luck with that! That 'author in the sky' schmuck was never a real thing, haha!

Anyways, I'll update whenever I want, some stuff will be rewritten, some story arcs will be here, dadada, hope you guys will like it.

"They won't," Dark Pit reassured.

Oh, shut up... oh, someone's knocking at my door. They sound angry.

Be right ba-

_KABOOM_


	2. Life Through a Plumber

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Revised: 2020/10/19.**

On such a bright and peaceful day, one would think that nothing could go wrong. Not jinxing anything, but as bad as that kind of wishful thinking was, for a short while people could really see the small ray of light towards the best day of their lives every morning. Mario was no exception to that small hope, momentarily feeling good every single morning when the alarm clock wakes him up. New day, new work, lots of things to do. Yawning, he pushed himself out the bed and did some stretches.

Changing into his overalls, he looked in the mirror and smiled. "It's a brand new day today... time to live up to everyone's-a expectations!" he said to himself. Turning to another bed in his room, he was about to wake his brother up but noticed the bed was empty. "Already awake, huh..." Mario looked at the alarm clock again.

It was eight o'clock, obviously morning.

"He sure woke up-a early today." Shrugging, Mario headed to the door and pulled it open.

He was then met with the scene of Charizard breathing fire at Captain Falcon, who was somehow quickly repelling the fire by quickly consuming dishes of Superspicy Curry and fighting back with his own torrent of fire. "Come on, fat dragon! Show me your moves!"

 _"Grrrrawrr! (I will make you suffer!)"_ the not-dragon Pokémon roared back.

Mario frowned. "What a way to start-a the day..."

"Not the worst that could happen though," someone said to him. He turned to his right- Samus was leaning on the wall besides his room's door. "Your brother was worried about you waking up a bit later than usual. Just here to check up on you. Feelin' okay?" she asked.

The plumber shrugged. "I was-a having a really nice dream... nothing-a big, really." The two watched the burning passion between Captain Falcon and Charizard, before they decided to walk away from the scene. "So, how are-a you doing, Samus?"

"Oh, doing just fine," she replied. "Ever since we destroyed the blue bastard, life here is really peaceful."

"You sure about-a that?" He asked, an eyebrow raised.

She chuckled. "Yeah, touché. We're not exactly peaceful." The two paused in front of an area where a majority of the hallway's walls were glass, showing a glimpse of their mansion's garden. They spotted Kirby playing with Ness, Lucas, Popo, and Toon Link. Nana and Ashley were sitting nearby, looking at a video on an iPad. "But hey... this is how things should be," Samus said. Mario noticed a rare smile forming on her face. "Big guy's done well to raise us like family."

"Master Hand, eh?" Mario chuckled as well. "It's been years since we all-a gathered. Those times were good-a times, weren't they?"

"Indeed," the bounty huntress nodded. "How're things between you and Peach?" she asked with a grin.

Another chuckle. "She's still not-a interested in being in a relationship." He scratched his big nose shyly. "I-a love her, but to her I'm just her savior, you know? And I respect that."

"Poor guy," she teased.

Mario rolled his eyes. "Maybe one day she'll actually return my-a feelings, but for now, everything's fine the way it is."

They continued small chitchatting and eventually made their way to the grand cafeteria. Luigi, wearing an apron and helping Peach and several Primids serving food, noticed his brother right away. "Mario!" he yelled. "You're awake!"

The plumber in red sheepishly scratched his head. "Sorry. Late-a start today, I guess."

"As long as you're-a fine, bro." Mario walked over to the green plumber, who asked him, "What do you feel like-a having today?"

"Hmm... spaghetti?" Mario said.

Samus stifled some laughter while Peach looked at him. "You really _do_ like your pastas, don't you?" she rhetorically asked, scooping some out onto a plate. She handed it over to Luigi, who sprinkled some pepper on it and handed it over to his esteemed brother.

Wario jumped onto the scene with a grin, pointing at Mario's to-be plate of pasta with small meatballs. "Swaghetti and memeballs, wahaha!"

The princess of Mushroom Kingdom stared at the odorous embodiment of obesity. "...you're banned from garlic for a day."

He fainted immediately.

"Mamamia..." Mario sighed. "Go easy on-a him, won't you?" he asked with a helpless smile.

Samus patted the Italian plumber. "S'alright, buddy. I'll get him to Doctor Mario." She grabbed Wario by the foot and dragged him away. "You enjoy your late morning meal now."

"Sure thing, Samus." Mario made his way to a table and began his meal in peace. He must have been really tired that morning, he assumed, because a few seconds later he only realized that there were already people sitting there. Next to him, Meta Knight sipped from a cup of tea. In front of him, Lucario was munching on a chocolate bar. "Oh, sorry. Didn't see you-a here..."

 _'Don't mind it,'_ Lucario interjected. _'_ _We arrived not long before you.'_

"Indeed," Meta Knight said. "In fact, it'd be more of a pleasure to dine with one of the original fighters," he reassured the plumber.

Smiling with relief, Mario nodded. "Thanks, you-a two." They took their respective sips/munches and had a small chat about various things.

 _'By the way, I couldn't help but notice...'_ Lucario began, _'_ _you and Lady Samus are pretty close. Contrary to belief,'_ he paused and unwrapped a new chocolate bar to snack on, _'_ _do you perhaps fancy her instead of Princess Peach?'_

Mario chuckled. "No, we're just-a friends. Of course it's not anything like-a that," he answered.

Nodding, the puffball knight next to him took another sip from his cup of tea. "Truly, it is the bond of friendship that they have forged from the original tournament."

 _'Ah, right...'_ Lucario nodded. _'_ _Bonds... what a fascinating concept.'_

Catching a glimpse of the cafeteria's clock hanging on a wall, Mario squinted to see clearly which number the hands were on. He couldn't quite make out what the time was, however. Meta Knight noticed this and took a look. "...I believe it's 8:37 right now, Sir Mario."

Mario frowned. "Oh, I have to-a go now... got to meet up with-a ROB and the others," he said and picked up his plate. "It's been-a nice chatting with you two."

"It's our pleasure," Meta Knight said as he humbly bowed.

 _'Stay safe now,'_ Lucario politely replied. When the plumber disappeared from their view, Lucario smiled. _'_ _Mario... truly fascinating. I can sense it, the aura deep within him... he is a good person.'_

"Indeed," Meta Knight nodded. "I see that my respect for him isn't misguided."

The jackal got up and grabbed the discarded wrappers. _'_ _Now if you'll excuse me, I have more chocolate to find...'_ a grin formed on his face. _'_ _Chocolate for life, viva la chocolate.'_

A sweat drop formed on the puffball knight. "You sure like your chocolates... well, may we talk some more another day then." He bid farewell to his friend.

* * *

He stopped in front of a huge door and rubbed his gloved hands together. Slowly, the plumber pushed the door open and entered the room. "I am-a here, ROB." Several faces looked back towards him: all eight original Smashers, along with ROB and Mr. Game & Watch. (The latter served as an unwilling janitor for the meetings). Mario frowned upon noticing Luigi sitting and chatting with Link. "Luigi, when did you get-a here?" he asked.

His brother turned to him with raised eyebrows, confused. "I left the cafeteria while you were-a talking with Meta Knight and Lucario."

Link, upon sensing that Mario probably wasn't his usual self, began to voice his concern. "You okay there, Mario?" he asked. "Usually your sense of time is sharper than this... though not as great as my ocarina, of course..." The elf took out his ocarina and caressed it smoothly. Luigi sent him a weirded out look. "Hehe..."

Samus felt Mario stare at her. "I came here to discuss things with ROB right after dropping Wario at the med bay," she explained.

The red plumber nodded and let out a sigh. "Sorry, guys. I'm not-a really feeling so well today..."

"That's because you're weak!" Captain Falcon exclaimed, slamming his fist on the desk.

 _ **"** **BEEP!** (Gently!)"_ Mr. Game & Watch screamed... well, beeped from the corner of the room as he tried to sweep some dust into his trusty dustpan.

Lacking the brains to understand the flat man's words, the racer continued speaking. "If you actually change your diet and start daily consumption of healthy drinks right now, you'd be feeling better in no time!" He whipped out a glass of fruit punch. "I especially recommend the Falcon Punch, named after the great Captain Falcon's mighty Falcon Punch! It rejuvenates you in no time, and after you get so into this, you'll wish you could bathe in this sweet baby!" Mouthing on and on about his drink, he turns to a camera. "Limited time sale, only available on the Smash Website. For more details, contact Sir FalconPunch69 to inquire about anything."

Jigglypuff groaned. "Ugh, here we go again..." she whined. "Can't we get rid of Falcon? He's seriously annoying..."

"Be quiet, Jiggs!" Captain Falcon retorted. "You have no right to judge my marvelous drink... after all, everyone's interested!"

"Not me," Ness said.

"I'm interested!" Kirby exclaimed.

"I prefer coffee," Fox stated.

"See? Everyone loves it." The racer patted Jigglypuff's head as he looked down on her. "Kid, you might not know this, but this beverage is so great, even the author recommends it!"

I... what?

"Doesn't seem like it," Jigglypuff replied.

The racer scowled. "You're just jealous of my profits."

"What profits?" Ness asked, laughing. "You don't make any money! You gotta be bananas to be jealous about that!"

Donkey Kong smiled. "Mmmnn... Me likes bananas."

"Yoshi too!" the green reptile next to him cheered.

Samus groaned. "This meeting is getting nowhere... ROB, if you wouldn't mind."

"AFFIRMATIVE." Nodding its robotically robotic robot head, the robotically robotic robot robotically shot laser beams from its robotically robotic eyes through the ceiling. "BY THE COMMAND OF SAMUS ARAN, PLEASE REFRAIN FROM CAUSING ANYMORE COMMOTIONS," it said in its robotically robotic robot voice. "AND ALSO, PLEASE REFRAIN FROM STALLING FOR HIGHER WORD COUNT, WRITER." The robotica... ah, fine.

The display of violence seemed to work, however, as everyone who were making a fuss now stared at ROB quietly. Nobody was going to stir up any problems now, all seated like good children.

"Okay, now that we're back on track..." Link started. "...anything to report, guys?"

Captain Falcon cleared his throat. "Well, I-"

"Except for your stupid punch."

"...oh." He turned away, disappointed.

Link rolled his eyes. "Anyone else with actually decent news?"

"I'll start," Samus announced. "I've been travelling outside the mansion to make contact with other lifeforms in this universe. Stuff from various universes, you know all that." She rubbed her chin, seemingly perplexed. "I keep having this feeling like something sinister is going on, but after asking everywhere around, nothing unusual has been spotted so far." Sighing, Samus sat back down. "The only things I've heard about were scandals about some Koopa Troopas, complaints from some Subspace citizens, and absolutely nothing useful."

"You'd find better information if you took daily consumption of the great Falcon Punch!" Captain Falcon yelled, slamming his right fist on the meeting table again as he pulled out another glass of punch.

 _ **"BEEP!** (Softly!)"_ Mr. Game & Watch beeped again, this time tending to the windows of the room.

"...right." The female bounty hunter turned to the other Smashers. "That's all I got. Anyone else got anything to report?"

Ness raised his hand. "I was visiting Porky one day, to see how he was doing in the cell for the Subspace perpetrators. Since he's the only one contained in there now, I figured he would feel lonely..." Shrugging, the boy continued. "When I visited him, he was sleeping but... sleep-talking about something 'soon enough'. You think that might be some evil plan in the works?" he asked.

Mario frowned. "Hmm... I'm not-a so sure. Mark it down, ROB."

ROB nodded. "AFFIRMATIVE. TIME PERIOD, 'SOON ENOUGH', MARKED IN INTERNAL CALENDAR PREDICTION SYSTEM."

"Me see K. Rool yesterday!" Donkey Kong said. "He suspicious moving quiet. He try to run when me look." The ape shrugged, scratching his head. "Me think he need toilet so me don't care."

"SUSPICIOUS BEHAVIOR FROM KING K. ROOL, NOTED."

"Why are we even letting that guy stay here in the mansion again?" Link asked. "I mean, sure, he's a Trophy but..."

"Well," Mario interrupted, "Master-a Hand wanted everyone involved to be able to live in-a harmony here."

Samus nodded. "True. There'd be a riot, probably, if we prevent even one trophy from living here."

"There won't be any riots if you take daily consumption of the great Falcon Punch!" Captain Falcon exclaimed, slamming his fist on the table yet again with yet another cup of punch pulled out of hammer space. This time, his side of the table finally broke under the sheer epicness of his declaration, and everyone stared at him. "...whoops." He turned to Mr. Game & Watch, who was just facing him with deadly silence. "...learn to forgive by taking daily consumption of Falcon Punch?"

...

"Alright, that sums up this week's meeting," Samus announced. "As we don't have much leads on anything big, investigations can be carried out in our own time. Any objections?"

She surveyed the room. Everyone shrugged. Captain Falcon, half buried in the ceiling, groaned. Taking it as nobody having further objections, she smiled.

"I hereby dismiss this meeting. You're all free to go."

"END OF MEETING ESTABLISHED. VOICE RECORDING PROCESS TERMINATED. FILE SAVED TO SET DIRECTORY."

Everyone made their way out the room. Few of them high-fived Luigi on the way.

As Mario exited the meeting room, Link patted him. "Hey, Mario. You got any plans today?" he asked. "I'm thinking of doing some training later on. Care to join?"

The plumber smiled, but shook his head politely. "I'm sorry, Link. I need to go help Olimar-a find the culprit behind the random Pikmin murders recently."

"Ohh, that. Well, that's too bad then..." Sighing, Link scratched his cheeks. "I guess it's me and ol' Meta Knight again."

Samus, overhearing their conversation just as she locked the door to the meeting room, laughed. "That's Mario for you. Always busy helping people out, as usual."

"True that." Link gave Mario another pat. "Could say you're the hero of our time! The real Hero of Time!" They shared a laugh together. "Well, anyways. Meta Knight's probably expecting me again while he's training. Gotta go now, folks."

With that, the elf walked away. Mario proceeded to walk through the halls with Samus. "It's always a busy day for-a me."

The bounty hunter shrugged. "You should learn to let others solve their own problems for once, you know?"

"I can't-a help it. They need help, I'm all for it."

"Then again, that's how you've always been since the first day..."

He grinned. "Indeed. What plans do you have, Samus?" he asked.

"Hmm... nothing so far," she replied. "I don't feel like training with Link though. Maybe I'll go check what's on the news," the bounty hunter decided. "You heading to Olimar's, right?"

Mario nodded. "That's-a right. And after that, I'm going to take do some-a surveillance around the mansion."

"Well, speaking of that, there's his room." She pointed to a door amongst other doors, to which Mario nodded and walked towards. "I guess I'll be seeing you later."

Waving her another bye, Mario adjusted his attire and knocked the door. "Olimar? I'm-a here to help!"

Thus his tradition of helping everyone around continued.


	3. The Kids' Brigade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Revised: 2020/10/19.**

"Alright, guys!" Toon Link jumped on the table, causing a slight shake that knocked all the toys off it. "It's time we started our morning investigations for... drum roll please... the Kids' Brigade!" he exclaimed, waving his sword upwards.

"M-my Jenga tower!" Lucas wailed. "Aw... oh well..."

Patting his psychokinetic on the back, Ness looked back up at the cartoonish Hylian. "What are you even saying, Toon? We never had any kind of brigade."

In response, Toon Link waggled his finger and clicked his tongue. "I'm afraid we do now, my friend."

"Toon Link, if you don't get off my picture in five seconds..." Ashley growled. "...I will fuck your life up."

"Whoa, okay. Touchy much? Geez..." he muttered, reluctantly getting down the table. "Also, no curse words please. That shit's stupid."

Lucas raised an eyebrow at that, but decided to not point anything out.

Popo scratched his parka-covered head. "So... our brigade is called the Kids' Brigade?" he asked.

Toon Link immediately flinched. "U-um... well, that's temporary."

"Go figures," Nana mumbled and rolled her eyes.

"Shove it. Anyways..." The miniature swordsman tapped the table lightly with his sword. "Back to the topic. Today we should totally go investigating anyone we can and get some sweet scandalous information!" Waiting for any sort of reaction at all, his eyes darted around his friends, examining all their expressions. To his dismay, they were all unenthusiastic about his idea- Ness and Lucas stared at him quietly, Popo was coming up with new (and admittedly better) names for their brigade, and Nana and Ashley continued doodling on their respective sheets of paper. Oh, and that silent Mii was just sleeping on the couch. "...when did Mii go to sleep?" Toon Link asked.

"Oh, long ago." Nana got up and gently caressed the faceless avatar's head. "He got bored ever since you dragged us all here and made us draw whatever we want."

He frowned. "Are my socializing ideas that boring?" he asked.

Ashley glared up at him. "To be frank, yes. As boring as your character."

"...ouch."

Ness snickered. "For someone bored, you're sure having fun with drawing."

"S-shut up!" the young witch said, flushing red. "I-I just got caught up in the boredom, that's all!"

Lucas squinted at the drawing. "I-is that... Mr. Ganondorf?" he asked.

His psychokinetic friend stopped smirking. "Wait, why are you drawing _him_ of all people?"

"Toon Link said to draw someone we thought was cool."

Clearing his throat, Toon Link looked down on her work. "Yeah, _cool_ , not _dorky."_

"Hey!" Ashley exclaimed. "Mr. Ganondorf's pretty cool! He knows all these evil stuff... and his Warlock Punch is especially cool!"

"Pft, sure." Turning around, the cartoonish Hylian pointed towards the hallways. "Anyways, let's go! We need information!"

...

Having been dragged by Toon Link to participate in his nonsense, they discussed what activities would be going on and who could investigate which activity. Ashley and Nana stuck with a monthly event hosted by Peach- the Happy Tea Time. She started this event to allow people to come and vent their complaints, discuss any topics, consult, and much more within a span of thirty minutes. Originally it only involved the ladies of the Smash Mansion, but after allowing a tired Doctor Mario to join in once, it became open for anyone.

In a way, it was like the Smash Council where they discussed anything that raised concern- except the Happy Tea Time wasn't run by the people in charge, and provided only tea. Ashley remembered being invited by Peach to it once, but she refused that time as she was busy practicing her spells.

This time, however, there were no excuses that she could think of, so Nana - who was a frequent attender of that activity - was able to force her into coming with her.

The table wasn't exactly big enough, so Nana sat on the female Wii Fit Trainer's lap while Ashley sat on Pokémon Trainer Serena's. They sipped on their respective cups of tea while the others chitchatted over their heads.

Around the table, there was Peach naturally acting as the leader of the event. Bowser sat to her right, and Doctor Mario to her left. Captain Falcon was also there, and so were Donkey Kong and Greninja. Jigglypuff sat on Lucario's lap. Palutena and Rosalina were also attending the event, the former petting a lone white Pikmin and the latter gently caressing her Lumas.

"Today," Peach began, "we are gathered here for the monthly Happy Tea Time to relax and discuss any topic of choice." She took a sip from her cup. "Does anyone have anything they wish to talk about?"

Bowser, another frequent attender of the event, raised his hand. "Ooh, I do!"

The princess sighed. "In a civilized manner."

"Oh." He dropped his hand.

 _What the heck does this group ever accomplish?_ Ashley wondered. She glanced at Nana, who returned her stare with a grin and waved. The witch sighed.

Nearby, Captain Falcon suddenly stood up. "I do!" he exclaimed, banging his hand on the table.

"Careful, you might break the table."

Traumatic memories of Mr. Game & Watch surfaced in the racer's head, but he gulped as he shoved those memories to the deepest parts of his mind. "Fellow Smashers, I believe something is seriously wrong. Why is it that there's a Happy Tea Time nonsense, but not a Great Punch Time session?" he asked, in the same manner as presidential election speeches or something. "This might as well as be discrimination itself! Why tea only? Why no punches?" Pointing to Peach, he slammed his hand on the table again while ignoring another warning from an uncomfortable Palutena. "You are racist, woman!" he exclaimed. "This is a democracy! This is a... uh, republic! A congress... um... well..." Having nothing else to say, he punched upwards. "Falcon Punch!"

Everyone stared in his direction, giving him a long blank stare.

 _...is he alright in the head?_ Ashley wondered. She looked over to Nana, her facial expressions asking whether they should really stay here.

Nana looked away, sweat dropping. _...I forgot about_ him _and his crap every meeting..._

 _Huh!?_ The young witch glared at her best friend. _I thought everything would be fine because you said so!_

 _I- I know..._ the pink Ice Climber telepathically apologized, somehow. _But it's not_ that _bad..._

"Donkey Kong," Peach said, "please throw him out the window."

 _...huh!?_ the two whipped their heads as a loud crash occurred, one of the windows of the room shattering to pieces.

Assuming the two kids had been startled, the female Wii Fit Trainer and Serena (the Pokémon Trainer) attempted to sooth the kids on their respective laps by petting their heads gently. It didn't really help them calm down.

 _W-was Ms. Peach always this scary at decision making...?_ Ashley wondered.

Nana gulped. _Well... y-yeah, basically._ She stared at the pink princess, nervous. _I'd know, from previous meetings._

 _That wasn't the first!?_ Ashley wondered how Captain Falcon even survived up to this day.

Their attentions were cut when they heard groans from the window. Everyone looked at the gaping hole, where Captain Falcon's hands were grabbing on a sharp edge. The racer was weakly pulling himself up, with the determination in his eyes as lit as a fish. Or a robot. Or a skeleton, whatever suits your boat. "I- I won't be defeated this time, you sissy princess!" Slowly getting back into the room, he panted. It was truly a huge accomplishment. "Face me in a fair battle, you-"

As if having expected his comeback, Peach immediately reacted by throwing a cup of tea at him with sheer force.

It struck him right at the center of his helmet's forehead, both cup and helmet shattering and sending him flying onto the ground below yet again.

The sound of bones cracking and screams of agony were ignored.

Ashley and Nana stared at where Captain Falcon had been, before it finally clicked in their minds.

 _Huh!?_ They almost started shivering, but managed to contain their fear. _No, no, no... what the fuck was that!?_ The witch stared at her friend.

 _P-Peach is_ really _scary... I forgot to mention._ Nana looked away. _Sorry._

Gulping again, Ashley looked at the princess once more- she was already showing an innocent smile without remorse for the man she just shot out the window. _T-this event might not be as peaceful as I expected..._

"Does anyone else have anything they wish to talk about?" Peach asked.

As Bowser eagerly raised his hands again, the two little girls in the room shuddered.

Perhaps this was a much more dangerous place than they thought it was.

(It really wasn't.)

...

Lucas trembled as he peeked out the table's covers. Next to him, Popo softly broke a stick of Pocky. Luigi had just made his way out the room, after a session of screaming at a cockroach and getting Pikachu's attention to the kitchen, ending with a well-fried cockroach carcass near the table. "W-wow..." Lucas whispered. "Pikachu's so... brave."

"Wait, were you actually afraid too?" Popo asked.

"N-no! ...maybe..." Lucas shamefully admitted. "B-but with a bit more training, I'll become s-stronger and braver!"

The blue-parka boy laughed. "What're you talking about? You're already brave enough!"

His head perked up, curious as to what his friend just said. "I- I am?"

"Yeah, man! You even fought off a fat Peter Parker!"

Now he was confused. A _what_ now? Peter Par... "Spider-Man? But I..." It came to him. Porky. A fat man in a spider machine. A fat Spider-Man. A fat Peter Par- "I get it..." Lucas whispered. Oh, okay. Good. He couldn't help but stifle a small chuckle. "T-that's true," he eventually said, "but at that time... R-Red was with me."

"Ashley's demon or the Pokémon Trainer?" Popo asked.

"P-Pokémon."

"Ah."

The two resumed looking out the table, at the fried cockroach body. "...b-besides, I think you're braver than me..."

Popo frowned. "Huh? How so?"

"W-well... you go climbing mountains... fighting polar bears and flying dinosaurs... you're d-dating your step-sister... you use a hammer, friends with M-Mr. Dedede... you wear a parka when it's really hot... stuff..."

The male Ice Climber laughed again. "That's not bravery! That's just stuff I have to do or choose to do!" He patted Lucas, albeit a bit too hard. "If something happened to Nana, something real dangerous, and I stupidly try to save her... _that's_ bravery!" Popo rubbed his chin. "Something like... dangerous villains taking Nana hostage, yeah! And they have such enormous strengths, and I have just my hammer. But I still try to save her! That's bravery!" Lucas stared at him. "...and maybe stupidity too, but it _is_ me."

"S-saying all those things... aren't you worried if it h-happens one day?" the blonde asked. "W-what if your sister really gets held hostage?"

"That'd really be a bad thing, but I'd try to save her anyways." Then, Popo chuckled. "That is, _if_ they can hold her hostage."

"H-huh?"

He grinned. "After all, I believe in Nana. She's strong, she wouldn't get kidnapped that easily."

In awe, Lucas felt an aura of... something mystifying, around his friend. He now saw Popo in new light. _...is this a new discovery... in a sense?_ he thought.

...

Toon Link and Ness sat on the sofa together, sighing. "This is boring," Toon Link said.

"Well, why are we here then?" Ness asked.

The toon Hylian gave him an incredulous stare. "To relax, what else? That's what sofas are for, Ness."

His friend raised an eyebrow. "So... what about your information seeking thing that you made everyone else do?" he asked.

Toon Link snickered. "Well obviously it's the leader's job to relax while everyone's doing the information searching for him."

Ness returned the previous incredulous stare with his own. "...wait, then why am I here with you?"

"Your job is to keep me company and not let me get lonely."

"You're a jerk."

Ignoring his pessimistic friend, Toon Link stretched his arms and yawned, then lied down on the open space of the sofa. "Tell me when one of the kids come so I can make up some lie to feed them," he said.

 _You're a kid too..._ Ness sighed. "Sure, sure." He shook his head when Toon Link was seconds later snoring away. The boy got up and closed the television, turning to the door. He froze.

At that moment, coincidentally, all their friends had just returned. Ashley especially looked pissed to see the two in the room and not anywhere else.

"...hi?" the boy mouthed. She didn't look any calmer. _Time to recall some dirty secrets of the others..._ the boy decided.

Toon Link perked up, hopping off the sofa to see the other members of his brigade.

 _Oh, shit, I haven't thought of anything yet_ _,_ he thought. The cartoon-like Hylian briefly glanced to Ness, about to secretly ask him for help, but the psychic boy feigned dumbassery and shrugged. _Ness you prick!_

 _Every man for himself,_ Ness thought amusedly as he prepared some secret he already knew belonging to other Smashers.


	4. Underneath His Mask (Part 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Revised: 2020/10/19.**

Lucina sat quietly on the table as she watched her colleague Meta Knight converse with King Dedede, taking a sip from her own cup of coffee. She stared intently, feeling something was bothering her but not quite understanding _what_ piqued her curiosity. Taking another sip, she continued staring in his direction.

Unbeknownst to her, the two had felt her gaze some seconds ago. "Dude, what'd you do to her?" the royal penguin asked.

Meta Knight returned his questioning expression. "I am not so sure, but as far as I recall, I have not done anything to offend her."

They slowly glanced back, so little that to the girl it seemed as if they were staring at the walls or something else that wasn't her.

Then they looked at each other again. "Yeah, I think you messed up bad, dude." Dedede patted the knight's head, and waddled off after grabbing a hunk of meat from the dining table. "Get that settled before ya do anything else, Metty."

"I shall try," the knight replied. As he watched the king depart from the room, he scowled. "And don't call me Metty." Turning around, he prepared to address the Fire Emblem character regarding her intense stare, but found the girl missing from where she sat. "...huh."

Far away from the room entrance, opposite of Dedede's direction, Lucina sprinted with anxiety creeping up her back. She couldn't stand the feeling anymore, the feeling that something was off about the petite knight. She stopped short of a door and knocked on it. "S-Sir Marth! Please open!"

The door opened, a blue haired prince rubbing his eyes groggily. "Lucina...? What is... it?" he asked between yawns.

Lucina stared at him, clearly puzzled. "...it's ten in the morning," she said.

"I have nothing coming up today and I was tired."

"...okay." She shook her head, remembering her issue. "I need to inquire you about something. You see, there is this certain individual that I can't seem to get my eyes off, and-"

"Is this a love-related issue?" Marth interrupted. "As popular as I am, I can't help much with those..."

"What? No, sir." Pushing asides how rude it was to interrupt her speech, the girl cleared her throat. "Anyways, this individual has been in my thoughts a lot lately and I can't seem to understand why. No matter how much I look at this person, something just bothers me deeply inside, and I just can't shake the feeling off no matter what."

"...who exactly is this guy?" Marth asked.

"Sir Meta Knight," she replied.

"...oh." He processed all that she said and began to understand what was plaguing her. It was understandable for him, as he was similarly bothered by the petite knight's appearance as well. "You're probably just really... excited to see what's under his mask."

"His mask?" the girl repeated. She rubbed her chin, all sorts of images popping up in her head. Then she widened her eyes in surprise. "That's it! Oh, yes, Sir Marth! That is indeed what has been bothering me so much!" She turned around and grinned to herself, a goal forming in her mind. "Now I know what I must do. I must somehow uncover Sir Meta Knight's face and discover the mystery underneath!"

Marth chuckled. "Well, be prepared for a huge surprise. That guy's looks are completely different from what one would expect of him, I tell you."

"You've... seen his face under his mask before?" Lucina asked.

"Sure did. A real shocker, he was." The boy snickered, knowing what the dame was going to ask. "Nuh uh, I won't be telling you. Some things must be done by oneself."

"I... I see." The girl clenched her fists, a determined expressing appearing on her face. "I shall work hard then!"

"Mmhm, that's good. I'll go back to sleep for a few more minutes..."

...

Some minutes later, Lucina pondered over what to do as she walked around the mansion. She wasn't exactly a strategist, so no good plan came to mind, especially considering how skilled Meta Knight is at various things. Naturally, she came to the conclusion that she can't uncover his face alone.

And that's when the idea came to her just as she entered the living room- gather some comrades to help!

The only rule that she would set was that they must also be curious about Meta Knight's appearance. Otherwise, there's a chance they might tell on her for the laughs.

Lucina looked up in time just to see six people currently occupying the room- Bowser and Ganondorf were sitting on the sofa watching some supervillain show, Ness was drawing and Wolf most likely babysitting him, and Ike and Roy drinking their respective cups of orange juice as they secretly watched the villains' show from behind. She smiled. "That's it!" she cheered.

Everyone turned their heads towards her. "...uh?"

The girl rushed over to the Fire Emblem character Roy and shook his head, causing him to drop his cup of orange juice. "You all! I believe we would do a great job if we worked together!"

"I, uh..." Ike scratched his head. "Worked together to do what, Lucina?"

"Whatever it is, I don't want any part of your stupid plans," Ganondorf grunted and went back to watching his show.

Lucina pouted. "It's not stupid, Sir Ganondorf."

Ness snickered. "She called him a sir..."

Sighing, Wolf decided to get to the point. "So, lassy, what'd you want from us?"

The swordswoman smiled. "I'd like to enlist all you fellows' help with uncovering a great mystery that has been plaguing our people for years now!"

The king of Koopas raised an eyebrow. "I don't remember no big mystery haunting the mansion."

She ignored him. "A mystery that even the gods above would die to find the answer to!"

"Is she alright in the head?" Ganondorf whispered to Roy.

"Beats me," the pyromaniac replied.

Despite having heard that, Lucina still ignored it to get her message across. "I would like to uncover... the true... appearance of Sir Meta Knight!"

Almost immediately, the room froze with silence. Except for the television, but seconds later Ganondorf turned the screen off. The others were shocked when the warlock chuckled. "That sounds rather interesting," he said. "Always wondered what was under that midget's mask."

"I dunno, man. Pretty sure it was something disappointing," Bowser said. "I think it was another mask or some ninja thing," he explained.

"That's from _Naruto_ ," Ness interrupted. "The ninja teacher guy, you know... uh..."

"David Bowie?" Wolf asked.

Ness gave him a look. "What? No, what the hell?"

"Whoa there, kid. Language."

Lucina groaned. "So, do I have all your cooperation?" she asked. _On second thoughts, maybe I should explain more..._

"Eh, sure," Ike said. "Not like we got anything better to do anyways."

Roy then rubbed his hands together, an evil grin forming on his face. "I also need some blackmail material anyways..."

"..."

The gang got together to form a circle, looking around to make sure nobody else and especially Meta Knight wasn't around.

"Alright, gang," Bowser said. "I think it's time we officially start this top secret discussion."

Ganondorf nodded. "And we must absolutely not let any god damn bastards leak any of our conversation."

Ness smiled. "I'll try to keep in touch with my telepathy, to make sure nobody makes a mistake."

Wolf sighed. "We're really doin' this, aren't we?"

Roy snickered. "Why not? Might be worth it, whatever's under his mask."

Ike frowned. "I'm hungry."

"Damn it, Ike, read the mood."

Lucina clenched her fist, excited for her new group's discussion. "Alright, fellow Smashers! Let's begin the planning for Operation: Uncover Sir Meta Knight's Face!"

"...you suck at names."

"..."

They then spent almost an hour planning their next course of actions.


	5. Underneath His Mask (Part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Revised: 2020/10/19.**

Previously on A Mansion's Various Blends, Lucina grew curious of Meta Knight's true appearance under his mask. Having been enlightened about her desires by Marth himself, she sets off to gather the help of her new comrades to help uncover the Kirby character's real face. Together, their terrifying team consists of:

 _Lucina_ (leader, alive, just curious)

 _Ike_ (alive, hungry)

 _Roy_ (alive, looking for blackmail material)

 _Ness_ (alive, thinks it'll be funny)

 _Wolf_ (alive, against it but didn't stop it)

 _Bowser_ (alive, forgot and curious)

 _Ganondorf_ (alive, wants to be an ass)

 _Roy's Cup of Orange Juice_ (deceased, dropped because of Lucina)

 _Ness' Drawing of Some Girl_ (not real, looks like crap)

 _David Bowie_ (deceased, a lame reference to something)

 _The Author_ (alive, caused it by writing it)

and _Meta Knight_ (alive, clueless target).

Wolf scratched his head as he read over the list of their nefarious group's members. "Uh, who the hell wrote this list?"

"That's not important now, Wolf," Roy said. "Stop getting distracted. You remember what to do, right?" he asked.

"Uh, sure. Yeah." Mentally deciding it was somewhat important anyways, the vulpine secretly added to his name, _'_ _(best member)'_.

"Alright!" Bowser roared. "Then let's start the plan now! I'll go find the guy, can't be too hard."

Ness raised an eyebrow. "He's literally one of the most mysterious Smashers here," he pointed out.

"Whatever, schmuckever," Bowser responded. "I can do anything, I'm the king of Koopas. I'm off now! Do your jobs properly, chumps!" With that, he left the room in search of the masked puffball.

Everyone stared at the spot Bowser had been. "...schmuckever. Never heard _that_ one before," Wolf said.

"Get on with it," Ganondorf grunted. "I'm eager to punc... unveil his true face," he said.

"You're an ass."

"I know."

Everyone immediately ran around, trying to fulfill their parts. With more details, I shall explain everything:

Lucina's task was to find Kirby. She'd lure the pink puffball into the room, with promises of food.

While Kirby waited eagerly for his food, Ike and Roy would (with Peach's help, without telling her of the true plan) bake a cake. Wolf was also tasked with baking the cake, and if Ike got sidetracked by raiding the fridge instead of helping, Wolf was to shoot Ike and take over his task entirely and help Roy.

Ness is to practice batting in the room, and prepare to 'accidentally' let his bat go at some point. It might seem painful, but it's for a worthy cause.

In the case where Ike proves himself utterly useless, he was to refill Roy's cup of orange juice.

Roy's cup of orange juice, meanwhile, was tasked with refilling itself.

Ganondorf was to remain still in the room and do nothing until the perfect moment to unleash his Warlock Punch on Meta Knight.

David Bowie was supposed to remain dead.

And the author, stressed by several underlines, was tasked with making sure their plan goes perfectly no matter what, through narration power.

Bowser, meanwhile, is to get Meta Knight here somehow, no matter where he was.

And lastly, Meta Knight's assigned task is to have his face revealed.

You know, personally I think this plan is stupid, so you guys should-

"Yeah, nobody asked," Ness stated with a swing of his bat.

Rude.

Lucina, who had disappeared from the room, reentered with Kirby in her arms. "A-anyways, Sir Kirby. Please wait here for a while as my comrades are preparing food for you..."

"Cake!" the pink puffball cheered.

The girl almost felt her willpower for the plan fade away, tempted with the desire to just hug the life out of this adorable creature. Almost.

They sat down on the sofa, the puffball watching whatever was on the TV while Lucina stared at him, weakening from his cuteness every passing second.

In the kitchen, Roy was listening to Peach explain the process of making cakes. Was the term "baking"? Yeah, I have no kitchen experience. "Got it," he said to Peach.

"I'll be watching over you in case anything bad happens... good luck, Roy!" Peach said.

Ike, on the other hand, looked through the fridge. "Nothing good in here..."

"Fuck you, Ike," Roy said quietly to make sure Peach didn't hear him.

Wolf, who had come in the check by this point, face palmed. "He's useless." He slammed the fridge door shut on the mercenary, rendering him unconscious. "Alright, what should I help with?"

"Well..." Peach began.

Back in the living room, everyone was just becoming relaxed from waiting until Bowser stomped inside, dragging an unwilling and confused Meta Knight by the cape. "Alright! The guardian's here! Now protect Kirby before I pound him unreasonably!" he roared.

The knight got up and looked at Kirby, who stared at the TV. He scratched his head. "Um. I fear I do not understand what the problem here seems to be...?"

Sighing, Bowser pointed to Kirby. "Ya see, this rascal ate _my_ well-deserved cake that I was planning to steal from everyone later. I want to beat him up, but to keep things PG, I need someone to stop me before I rampage!"

Meta Knight looked at Kirby once more. "...if you believe so, then I shall lend my-"

"Hey guys! The cake's finished!" Roy said as he walked into the room, carrying a tray with one of the most amazing cakes Lucina ever saw, alongside Wolf.

Everyone stared at the two, then back at Bowser and Meta Knight.

The Koopa King scratched his jaw. "Huh. I guess I got my timing wrong, chump." He nervously laughed while sending a glare to the others. _You fools weren't done yet!?_

They exchanged glances. "W-what seems to be the problem, Sir Bowser?" Lucina asked.

Kirby, meanwhile, smelled sweetness in the air and jumped up, turning around to see the cake. "Cake!" he yelled in surprise before drooling. An eager expression took over as he pulled a spoon and fork out of nowhere.

"Stupid hyperspace..." Wolf grumbled. "Meta Knight! Stop him! This is a second cake we baked to make up for the one he ate!" the vulpine lied.

"I see. Then I shall reprimand Kir-"

"Whoops," Ness genuinely muttered as his fingers genuinely and accidentally let go of the bat. "That wasn't suppose to happen yet...!" he whispered to himself as the bat suddenly flung itself towards the warlock everyone almost forgot about.

Ganondorf widened his eyes. "Whoa there!" He growled and unleashed a quick Warlock Punch on the wooden bat, smashing it to several wooden pieces.

Millions of... uh... I mean, many wooden shards scattered around the room. Everyone present was able to shield themselves from it through some means, not suffering any injuries. One smacked Meta Knight's mask and, somehow through the logic of coincidence, it began falling.

 _Yes...! Fall! FAAAALL!_ everyone thought.

Until... a gloved hand grabbed it before it fell at all, revealing absolutely nothing behind the puffball knight's mask. "Phew. That was rather close," the knight said. He looked up at everyone, not noticing how shocked they were at the sudden action that thwarted their plans. "Is everyone doing fine?"

"..."

The room drowned in silence, one that Meta Knight wasn't sure where it came from. "...everyone?"

Then, Peach walked into the room. "Roy, I overheard you wanted a new cup of- whoa!" She tripped on a small puddle of pink frosting that fell from the cake when Kirby, unbeknownst to everyone amidst the chaos, had inhaled the giant treat. The princess accidentally released the glass of orange juice.

"Princess, be carefu-" Before the knight could finish his sentence, the pink frosting that she tripped on splattered on his mask. He flinched and jumped back in surprise. "Ack!"

In a twist of fate, the released cup of orange juice fell down on the knight, spilling its contents on him... and knocking his mask off.

Meta Knight fell back in shock, his face displayed to the room's residents, as they stared at him with pure shock.

(And slight joy at their plan succeeding, even if by pure coincidence.)

"...whoa. Cute," Roy said.

Meta Knight grabbed his sword.


	6. Underneath His Mask (Part 3)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Rewritten: 2021/01/13.**

Everyone wasn't sure how to react to this - on one hand, somehow, Meta Knight's mask came off.

It was Roy's snicker escaping his lips that made everyone even more sure of incoming death.

"Cute," the swordsman remarked.

In less than a second, where he previously stood was a Roy trophy.

Everyone paled. "Sir Roooooy!" Lucina shrieked. What was happening!? The honorable Meta Knight... he just killed (well, not permanently) a fellow swordsman in an instant! She turned back to the now-unmasked puffball, who was glaring around everywhere in the room. "W-wait, Sir Meta Knight! Please calm down, that was just an accident!"

"..." The honorable knight had, lost in despair and rage and embarrassment (assumedly), allowed no words to enter his ears.

Lucina turned to Ike, a look of intense regret and panic on her face.

"I-it's alright, I'll handle this," he mouthed and stepped up to the knight puffball. "L-look, Meta. We're sorry about that idiot, he was, uh, pretty insensitive, yeah. We know, you didn't like showing your face, so... we'll all, like, respect your secret and not tell anyone, right?" Everyone nodded hurriedly. "So, uh, yeah. Forgive us. Why don't you... why don't you pick up that piece of paper and read it to calm down? Cool yourself off?"

Meta Knight followed his finger to see a paper lying on the floor. He picked it up and raised an eyebrow.

"...Plan to Unmask Meta Knight. ...members."

The jaws of all who were involved, dropped, as Ike flinched. "Uh oh."

_You absolute retarded turkey leg!_ Bowser hissed mentally.

The knight puffball glanced upwards, back at Ike, who smiled.

"April's Fools!" he squeaked in a high-pitched voice, before he was turned into a trophy within a split second.

_(Sir) Iiiiike!_ Lucina and Ness called in their heads hopelessly.

Bowser groaned with despair. "Holy shizzle ma niggle, bastard's gone crazy!" he screamed and made for the doorway. "I'm yoinkin' outta here!"

Meta Knight made his move and appeared in front of the doorway, blocking everyone's escape.

"Oh shit! He's got our only path!" Bowser cried.

"Wait! Dude! Just now, what did you say!?" Wolf asked.

"He's got our only path!" the Koopa king repeated.

Wolf shook his head. "Before that!"

"...holy shizzle ma niggle, bastard's gone crazy?" Bowser asked, less panicking.

"Can... can you say that? Niggle? Isn't that racist?" he asked.

"Are you really worried about that right now!?" Ness yelled.

"No, I mean, I'm just curious about possible controversial consequences and-"

"Fuck whatever!" Ganondorf laughed and stomped over to Meta Knight, glaring down at him. "It seems my time has come to show this puny little midget the true might that is Ganondorf!"

Everyone watched in awe, feeling rather inspired and hopeful. "(Sir) Ganondorf!" they all cheered.

The evil warlock grinned, pride and accomplishment welling up within him. His fists began glowing purple with dark energy as he took a stance.

"Hark my words, Meta Knight. For I am Ga-"

He became a trophy.

"Ganondoooooorf!" Bowser screamed. "Noooo!"

"Fat lot that did!" Ness spat. "What're we gonna do? We're all gonna die!"

"It's alright, kid," Wolf said, petting the psychic boy's head. "There are strippers in heaven, so you're in for a world of pleasure. ...after pain."

Peach, who was amusedly watching the scene unfold while she sipped on her tea, which she poured herself after sitting down to recover from tripping, scowled at the lupine. "He's a child, don't teach him such depraved nonsense!"

"Shut yer yappin', this kid deserves to be a grown ass man!" Wolf said.

Suddenly, Meta Knight appeared in front of the group.

"Shit!" Everyone jumped away, and Wolf, who was faster, took the opportunity to reach for Meta Knight. He grabbed the knight from behind, rendering him unable to slash the lupine that wasn't in his vision. "Lucina! Bowser! Kid! Go!"

Lucina, Bowser and Ness exchanged glances, before nodding and running past the room's exit, their footsteps slowly fading away.

Wolf grinned. "Hah! Not so deadly now, are you?" he asked to himself, grinning evilly at Meta Knight, who had stopped struggling and stared at the sword in his hands. Although he now couldn't slice or stab the wolf that was grabbing him from behind...

Meta Knight blinked.

Then he simply threw his sword behind him.

...

A blood-curdling, bitchy scream spread throughout the hallways of the Smash Mansion's left wing.

Lucina winced. "Sir Wolf... no..." she whispered.

"Amen... his sacrifice shall not be in vain," Bowser said.

Suddenly, Ness stopped running as he felt a presence behind the group. He turned around, gasping upon seeing that Meta Knight had already caught up to them.

Lucina and Bowser noticed this and gasped as well, shocked and scared.

"This is hopeless! He's gone crazy!" Bowser screamed.

Ness shook his head. "Ms. Lucina, Bowser, keep running. You two must live," he said.

"Are you telling me to leave a child to fight for us?" Lucina asked.

The psychic boy smiled. "I know this might be mean, I know this is cruel to ask of you, but... I really like you guys, you're all pretty cool." The boy turned around to flash a sincere smile. "So... please, live on so you can defeat Meta Knight."

"No... no! Young Ness!" Lucina cried.

Bowser grabbed her from behind, however, to not let her rush into her doom. "C'mon, let's get going!"

"Young Nessss!" Lucina cried.

Ness nodded. "Take her to safety, Bowser."

Bowser blinked, before he scoffed. "Like hell we needed all that cool dialogue and dramatic tension!" he yelled. "You think that was cool!? W-well, actually, it was pretty cool, but this arc is just a small random arc with no seriousness! Cool my ass, that was cringe!" The Koopa king glanced out the window. "The hell was up with that, author!?"

Well, I thought it'd be pretty funny to be cringetastic.

"It was lame, ya bozo!"

Ness, his face slowly turning red, gritted his teeth. "J-jerk..."

Meta Knight, his patience running thin, leapt towards the boy.

The psychic yelped as he jumped backwards, his hands charging with fire. "Ack! That was close!" he said. "But don't look down on me, I've been here way longer than you, I'll show you my true power! It's hero time!"

"Young Ness, no!" Lucina cried.

"Go already!" Ness yelled back. "I'm a kid, the author can't kill me off - that's a sign of supporting child abuse!"

Bowser blinked. "Wait, is that how it works?"

"No, but for Twitter and Tumblr users it might!" Ness said.

"Kid's been on the Internet too long, I swear." Bowser grabbed Lucina and hoisted her up, rushing off. "Don't die, kid!"

"Will do! ...I mean, won't do!" Ness turned back, where Meta Knight had patiently waited again. "Alright, it's just you and me now, bub. Let's frickin' gooooo!"

The boy raised his fist and charged it with fire.

"PK Fire Punch!" he yelled and swung forward.

Unfortunately, he never hit anything.

In fact... suddenly, Meta Knight was behind him, running in Bowser's direction.

"Ah, shit," Ness said. "And I even acted all cool about buying time..."

Suddenly, he heard a girl scream behind him. Ness turned around to see Ashley covering her face, as red as her dress.

"You shameless pervert!" she hissed.

Ness blinked before looking down - his clothes had been sliced off, leaving him in only his underwear. Turning as red as her, he scowled at the disappearing Meta Knight. "You utter asshole!" he yelled, then glared at the window. "Author you jerk! That's signs of supporting child sexualization! I'll get you cancelled for sure!"

Whoa, man, don't even go there.

"Fuck you!"

Meanwhile, Bowser and Lucina hid behind a corner, pausing to catch their breathes. It didn't last long, however, as they immediately sensed Meta Knight's presence approaching them. "What the hell, already!?" Bowser asked.

"N-no... Young Ness must've fallen!" Lucina cried.

"I dunno, I can kinda hear his voice shouting at someone from afar," Bowser said. "Guess he really couldn't kill the kid."

"Y-young Ness... no, Sir Ness... your death shall not be in vain..." the dame continued, hopelessly.

"What's with this tension? Buddy, this is ridiculous on Meta Knight's part, but this is also ridiculous on a whole different level. It feels like someone we loved just got killed by an evil monster."

"Hey, what's with the waterworks?" a new voice asked. The two turned to see Captain Falcon standing behind them.

"Ack! You!" Bowser hissed.

"Yes, me! The great, one and only, Captain Falcon!" the racer said. "What's crackalackin' cookin', ahoy maties?"

He was met with looks of cringe. "I didn't think this day could get any more cringe. You really do know how to surpass expectations."

"That is what I do best, yes," the man replied and rubbed his chins. "Hm, so let's see... going by this chapter's progress, I'd say this is the part where you fight Meta Knight and finally put an end to his rampage."

"...how'd you... what?"

Captain Falcon grinned. "I simply took my time to read the chapter while it was being written."

"...sheesh, you are losing your touch," Bowser muttered.

Hey, I'm trying, shush.

"Anyways, I shall lend you my help!" Captain Falcon said. "It'd be troublesome if the dude doesn't calm down and ends up going around slicing everyone to trophies. Besides... I'll be hailed as a hero if I put an end to his tyrant rule!" The racer grinned evilly as he cracked his knuckles. "Watch me from the sidelines as I take your heroic roles from you."

"Uh, we didn't even... sure, whatever," Bowser said. He was tired, and frankly, he still needed a breather.

Captain Falcon rounded the corner and saw Meta Knight approaching them. He grinned.

"Come now, Meta Knight! Fear the mighty power of-"

He became a trophy.

"In the end you died right away after all you retaaaaaard!" Bowser screamed. As Meta Knight, who sliced through where Captain Falcon had been, was now right in front of them, the royal Koopa decided to take his shot. He jumped towards the puffball, retracting his body into his shell.

All slashes made at the Koopa's underside did nothing, prompting Meta Knight to jump back and dodge.

"Hah! Ultimate defense!" Bowser rejoiced, until he noticed Meta Knight promptly preparing to jam his sword into the shell's holes. "Lucina!"

"R-right!" As Meta Knight delivered a painful stab to Bowser's face and turned him into a trophy, Lucina took the opportunity to draw her sword amidst the trophification light. She sliced forward at the puffball who was forced to shield his eyes at the unexpectedly bright transforming of Bowser's huge body, her sword scratching at the surface of the knight's face.

Stumbling backwards, Meta Knight opened his eyes to see Lucina prepare another strike. He attempted to bring his sword up to block the blow, until he realized his sword wasn't in his hands - it was being thrown behind Lucina, Bowser having made a crazy grab for it during his face stab, before becoming a trophy.

_Thank you, Sir Bowser!_ Lucina thought as she delivered the final slash, ending Meta Knight's consciousness.

...

When he came to, the knight was masked again, but laying on the ground, staring up at the ceiling. He pushed himself up to see Lucina and a refreshed-looking Bowser looking down at him, smiles on their faces. "...greetings," he said.

"'bout damn time yer awake, chum," the king of Koopas said. "How's your head?"

"...slightly in pain," Meta Knight muttered. "But... I feel much better now. More... clearheaded."

"That's a relief," Lucina sighed. Then she got down on her knees, lowering her head apologetically. "I'm so, so sorry, Sir Meta Knight!"

"...what for?" he asked.

"By trying to pry into your true appearance, I may have been quite disrespectful... and me and the others might have sullied your honor. For that, I apologize!"

He eventually chuckled and petted the girl's head. "It's alright. I don't mind too much," he said. "Certainly, I don't like revealing my face often, as it is a sign of my weakness, but..."

"But nothing my ass, you went on a slaughter spree!" Bowser shouted.

"I... did? I don't... oh, my." Meta Knight shut his eyes and rubbed his head... uh, body. "I guess I must make amends with all those who are involved, huh?"

"You sure do!" the Koopa said. "...but take your time, pal. I guess we kinda did deserve it, even a bit."

He chuckled. "Again, I apologize. That was unsightly of me, still. I should've reacted better to being unmasked."

Lucina shook her head. "No, it is alright. It must be really personal for you, Sir Meta Knight." She scratched her head. "I must say, though, you should not be ashamed of your appearance. I... find it quite adorable, to be truthful."

"...um... thank you," Meta Knight eventually replied, unsure how he felt about that.

Bowser snickered. Then he received a stare that felt almost like a death glare, so he yelped and rushed off, muttering excuses about making new plans to kidnap Princess Peach.

Lucina and Meta Knight exchanged glances before laughing.

And thus, the rather trivial incident came to and end, just like that.


End file.
